Let’s talk about “Can-You-Just”….

You know the one. You’re sitting there, finally holding a cuppa, and someone – a partner, a grown child, a colleague – drifts into the room like a lost ghost and says, “Hi, can you just…?”

And suddenly, you feel it. That twitch in your left eye. That sudden, fleeting urge to throw the tea at the wall.

If you’re a woman over 50 and you’ve felt that flash of “Please, for goodness sake, leave me alone,” congratulations. You haven’t lost your mind. You’ve just reached The Onion Years.

The Story of the “I’ll Sort It” Suit

Once upon a time, you were a sleek, shiny sprout. But then life happened. To survive, you started putting on coats.

• The “Capable” Coat: Because you were the only one who knew where the spare keys were.
• The “Peacekeeper” Scarf: To stop the kids from killing each other.
• The “Yes” Gloves: Because saying no made you feel like a criminal.
  
  

Year after year, you added layers. You became a magnificent, high-functioning human onion. You were so well-wrapped that everyone forgot there was an actual person under there. They just saw a very convenient, multi-layered service station.

We told ourselves: “Once the kids leave/the job settles/the mortgage is paid, I’ll take the coats off.” But then the house got quiet, and instead of feeling “free,” you just felt… irritated. Because even though the house is empty, you’re still wearing seventeen layers of other people’s expectations, and frankly? It’s getting sweaty in there.

The Problem with Being “Convenient”

The world loves an onion. Onions are useful. They flavour everyone else’s soup. But here’s the secret we’re scared to say out loud: Being “needed” is exhausting.

We’ve been taught that “finding ourselves” means adding another layer. A yoga certification! A pottery class! A new “purpose”!
But what if the answer isn’t adding more stuff to your to-do list? What if the answer is The Great Peel?

The “I’m Done” Manifesto

Peeling an onion makes you cry. It stings. But it’s not because you’re sad, it’s because you’re finally venting the fumes.

If you want to start peeling, you have to admit the things we usually only say to our pillows at 3 a.m. (or we Google it, if we want to admit being on our phones at that ungodly hour):

• I’m tired of being the “sensible” one. I want to be the “unavailable” one for a change.
• Just because I can fix your problem doesn’t mean I’m going to.
• My family is lovely, but I’d currently trade them all for 48 hours in a soundproof room with a locked door.
• “No” is a full sentence, not a negotiation.

Your New Job Title: Inconvenient

The goal of the Onion Years isn’t to become your “best self” (honestly, that sounds like a lot of work). The goal is to become less convenient.

When you stop being the person who catches every falling ball, a funny thing happens. People learn to catch their own balls. Or they drop them. And the world… somehow keeps spinning.

The Onion Test:

Next time you feel that irritation rising, don’t ask “What’s wrong with me?” Ask: “Which layer am I secretly fed up with?”

If your answer involves a swear word and a desire to run away to a cabin in the woods, you’re exactly where you need to be.

It’s time to stop being the soup flavouring and start being the center. It might sting a little, but the air is much fresher out here.
 

Brenda x
You’re between chapters and this moment matters more than you think.